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Sunday, July 26, 2015

Regrets

For all of the caregivers out there who are struggling to make sure their loved one is well taken care of during the treatment for prostate cancer, I wanted to share with you the fact that I am having some deep regrets over missed opportunities to hug, and to talk about what's going on.  I am realizing hat I spent a lot of time doing things that I thought took precedence over everything else, like making sure prescriptions were renewed, making sure medication schedules were kept, grocery shopping, preparing meals, etc., while Marshall was sitting by himself watching TV or napping, when I should have been hugging him more.  And I missed a lot of opportunities to simply talk about the disease and what his hopes were and his fears and even how he would like me to handle things after his death.

I went on his Facebook page a few days ago and I was absolutely blind-sided by some of the things he put on Facebook that he never discussed with me.  I know we can't start second-guessing everything, but I sure wish I had paid more attention to him and what he was feeling and going through rather than what to fix for dinner or whether the pills were organized for the week.  It is sad to know that he was sharing his feelings on social media instead of with me.  I think I was caught up in the enormity of what was happening to us and the best way I could handle my own feelings was to go into action rather than slow down and be "in the moment" a little more.

Just wanted to pass that on, for what it's worth to other caregivers.

It looks like the memorial service in Ohio is going to be on August 8 at the American Legion in North Baltimore, Ohio.  We haven't received confirmation from the Legion yet but hopefully we will finalize it tomorrow.  So stay tuned.

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