Saturday, October 10, 2015

Tough Day

First, I got a letter from the VA denying my application for a military headstone/marker for Marshall. The reason they gave in the first paragraph was that they don't give markers to veterans who aren't interred. But in the last sentence they say "you are eligible for a government-furnished headstone or marker if you scatter the ashes" and that I should apply again after the ashes are scattered. Kind of confusing.

But then I noticed that the letter was addressed to me but the veteran's name was Marshall J Mullins. My Marshall was Marshall L Mullins. Then I noticed they had a Veteran ID number so I got out all of Marshall's papers to try to find his ID number. I couldn't find anything in the papers so I got out his wallet (which I hadn't looked at since he died) and when I saw his pictures (drivers license, VA card, etc.), as well as all his other stuff, I had a huge meltdown.

I never found a number that said it was a Veteran ID number but I also didn't find any number that matched the number on the letter I got today. I guess I will see the Veteran Service Officer on Monday and see what he thinks.

Since I have ordered a traditional headstone for Marshall I would be inclined to not worry about a military marker ... EXCEPT that this would be a very big deal to Marshall so I will keep pursuing it.

I have heard from several caregivers who read my blog and who have asked me to keep the blog going to report what life is after the loss of a husband to prostate cancer. So I will. I'm sure it will be a long time before life settles into anything even remotely resembling normal.

1 comment:

  1. I know this sounds silly, it does to me, but knowing you will keep this up helps ME. I cried in relief, I want to know that as widows we can be whole again.

    My husband was diagnosed March 2011 with stg 4 and we have been on hospice since May. When you lost your Marshall I was devestated, I don't know why, but I don't think I believed you would lose him before I lost mine. Crazy huh? Like it was a race. Nothing makes sense some days when hospice is in the equation.

    This is hard, harder than I thought it would be and most people don't understand really. But other spouses like us do, we lose way before they leave us. You are still walking, thru the other side of it and I am weirdly grateful for this gift of you.

    I am 53 living in Arkansas and have no family here except for a mom that was diagnosed with stg 2A colon cancer in June. My family is in Texas, but with insurance through my job I had to stay here. Now...just 1 day at a time.

    Thanks Marilyn,

    Terri Witherspoon