Well, yesterday was one of MY worst "Marshall" days since this journey began -- not because it hasn't happened before, but because I am wound much tighter as time goes on and while he has the outlet of yelling at the world sometimes, I don't have an outlet like that.
He had an appointment yesterday with our primary care physician to follow up on the oxygen thing. Our little clinic (along with the ambulance service) is in danger of being closed due to mismanagement of funds and our wonderful doctor of the past two years left suddenly a few weeks ago. It's front page headlines in our little paper every week. So we have a new doctor to get used to, at least as long as the clinic is still open. And for someone in Marshall's condition, this is tough.
On Thursday the clinic called and said we needed to bring ALL of Marshall's medications with us to the visit, in their original bottles, or the doctor would not see us. Now with most people, they can bring all their medications in a little baggie. Marshall's medications need a banker's box. And if we were to lose Marshall's medications, it would cost us around $6,000 to replace.
So we started out with Marshall being "edgy." When we checked in, they asked to see his driver's license. For God's sake, this town has about 700 people and we are there twice a month, what in the world could be the reason to ask for ID every visit. So Marshall got more edgy.
They were 30 minutes late calling us in (can you see the "edginess" growing?) and we are lugging his big pile of medications, which as of yet, no one has asked to see.
The nurse starts taking Marshall's vitals. His oxygen level is 89 (not good) and his blood pressure is high (not surprising). Then she looks at her computer and asks if there is any change in medication. It is clear that she is not going to ask to see the big thing of bottles we brought in. That's when the edginess turned into full-fledged rage. He told her, in a raised voice, slamming his hand on the counter, "By God, you are going to look at every one of these bottles, every single one of them!! You made us bring them in and you are going to look at them!" She said, "Oh, I didn't know you brought them" (she must be blind to not see what I was carrying). That comment put him over the top. He said, "We were told the doctor wouldn't see us if we didn't bring them, so damn it, you are going to look at them." The nurse told him she would not be spoken to in that way and he stormed out of the exam room and out of the clinic, slamming the waiting room door so strongly that the people waiting were quite alarmed.
By then I was crying and I stopped in the waiting room to explain to everyone the reason for his outburst. One woman told me that she comes in weekly and they still ask for her driver's license and insurance card every single time.
I understand totally where Marshall is coming from, I just don't like his methods. It embarrasses me and makes me less and less inclined to want to be at these doctor visits with him. The girl at the front desk who asks for the driver's license and the nurse taking the vitals are just doing what they are told to do. There is no reason to yell at them.
I also know that Marshall is on hormone therapy and, just like women going through menopause, he sometimes cannot control his emotions. I've been there. But knowing that doesn't help when my stress level is pretty high, too.
So now we have no primary care doctor and we have his low oxygen levels to figure out as well as the high blood pressure reading. And my frame of mind needs an attitude adjustment before I can even want to try to solve this little problem. To find a new primary care doctor means driving 60 miles (one way) for every visit.
The low oxygen thing means there is a possibility we will have to consider moving to a lower altitude and the thought of moving, on top of everything else, is more than I can handle at the moment.
I try not to blog about days like this because it is counterproductive, but guess what! Today this blog is my outlet!
But this, too, shall pass. Today will be better. I hope everyone has a great Memorial Day weekend -- and I hope we do, too!